Miscarriage #4

I have been debating on whether or not I wanted to do this post or not...but have decided that this is kind of my outlet. We haven't told many people about what this post is about...but have realized that we need the support of our friends and family during something like this. Some people want to keep something like this quiet...but it is very difficult to go through...and it seems much easier to go through it with the support of your friends and family...and to know that those that care about you are lifting you up in prayer. So, here goes...

Saturday, I was a girl who was 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child, due May 3, 2010.

Today, I am a girl experiencing the tell tale signs of a miscarriage.

Unfortunately, this is all too familiar territory for me. For those that don't know, I had 3 miscarriages before we were blessed with our son, Ian, on April 20, 2007.

I sat in my den at 4am on Labor Day not able to sleep because I was in pain physically and emotionally. Miscarriage has to be one of the hardest things for a woman to go through. It is an extremely emotionally draining event. You go from the extreme of pure happiness to the pit of despair in a matter of a day.

For a little background, I took a pregnancy test on Thursday, August 20th...and it was positive. Took another one on August 22 and August 23rd...and both were positive. Jason and I were ecstatic! We told Ian he was going to be a big brother! I then went to the doctor on Monday, August 24th and had it confirmed. My HCG level was 20 (anything over 5, you are considered pregnant).

Also as background information, after miscarriage #3, my dr. ran some tests and determined that I have a slight blood clotting problem...my blood clots too easily. He said that where the baby goes to attach, my body thinks there is something wrong and clots...therefore, no nutrients are passed to the baby and it doesn't survive. Therefore, he suggested that I take a low-dose 81mg aspirin everyday (to thin the blood) when I got pregnant the next time. Also, as a precautionary measure, he prescribed me progesterone...a hormone your body normally produces that helps your body stay pregnant...to take the first 13 weeks. After that, the placenta takes over. With those 2 medications and a TON of prayers...I was able to carry Ian full term. He is such a blessing!

This time around, I took the same medications...so I am not sure what went wrong.

I called the doctor first thing this morning to see if I could come in and have some blood drawn to confirm what I already knew in my heart. When Jason and I got to the doctor's office, my dr. called me into his office within 5 min. of us arriving. He said, "let's do an ultrasound and we'll also draw some blood to make sure your HCG levels are coming down if you have infact miscarried." The ultrasonographer confirmed what we already knew. We already had a feeling, but it was actually good news to find out that there was no need for a D&C. If you have ever had a D&C (I have only had to have 1...and that was with our 2nd miscarriage that happened at 11 weeks), you know it takes several weeks to recover physically. My dr. said that I will heal and recover much more quickly having miscarried on my own. He said that my chance of miscarriage (having the blood clotting issue) is around 45%...whereas the average woman has a 15% chance. He said that by taking the 81mg aspirin and the progesterone, that brings my chances down to the average 15%. In other words, I am not immune to miscarriage, just like any other woman. He said that this probably had nothing to do with the blood clotting thing...that it could have been a number of factors, bad implantation, chromosomal anomolie...etc...etc. More than likely, this was not a viable pregnancy from the beginning. The good news though is we know I can carry a child...we have a precious little 2 yr. old boy who we love SO VERY MUCH.

Speaking of Ian...it has been hard this time around though because this time, we have a 2 year old. Poor little Ian doesn't have a clue what's going on. He has picked up on that mommy is sad...and after I heard him ask Jason what was wrong with Mommy in the car the other night...I was like...ok...time to pull yourself together and be the mommy you need to be for Ian. Each day is better and better...and I have been more upbeat tonight.

So, whereas I do not know why this happened, I do know one thing...and that is that God is in control. We may not understand everything...but it all happens for a reason according to His great plan...not ours. We trust and pray that God will bless us again one day with another child. We trust His perfect timing and will wait patiently. In the meantime, we find peace in God's word, Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. "

We would appreciate your prayers during this difficult time...and although we are not sure if/when we will be blessed with another child, we would appreciate your prayers that we will...and that if/when that time comes again, that I'll be able to carry the next one full term without any complications.